For much of my adult life, I've been seeking to recover from parts of my childhood. I know I'm not alone. After several rounds of traditional therapy, I turned to reading - dozens of books by wonderful and well-respected authors - Wayne Dyer, The Dalai Lama, Eckhart Tolle, Napoleon Hill, The Bible, and others. All of it helped. And I'm grateful for everyone who's crossed my path. The writing of each of these texts contained similar elements. The messages that rose to the top: What we think about we bring about. Thought is creative. We are the producers of our own thoughts - the directors of our lives. To be present - not focused on what is past or what may be coming.
Making this shift wasn't easy. The more difficult to deal with memories of my childhood seemed to have written their own negative narratives in my head. And I had practiced repeating them so often that I didn't realize I was doing so - nor that I had a choice in what played in my head.
Taking control of my thoughts was not as easy as you'd think it would be! Just learning to recognize them as they played was a good first step. Shifting my thoughts to something more positive took practice. A lot of it. Now, I can often stop my thoughts altogether - quite a freeing experience that I highly recommend! Just observe - don't judge everything.
I admit that, more often than I even know, I have judged, criticized and compared myself - to others or some ideal image I created or adopted from social norms and expectations. These reinforced patterns of discouragement can never be helpful. Instead, if we learn to encourage ourselves and embrace our drive for life, we are able to realize some measure of happiness and personal fulfillment!
In this blog, I intend to share good ideas and what I have learned from others - and I would love to hear from you. I'll be sharing a good bit from Lynn Lott and Barbara Mendenhall's work, "Do It Yourself Therapy" and other great teachers in my life. Lott's "Encouragement Consulting" has provided me with a new set of tools for helping others gain insights into where many of their current day decisions, actions and emotional responses are rooted - in early experiences and the meaning we assigned to them at the time.
Consider - an experience when you were 5 or 8 years old, that was particularly challenging to your self esteem, sense of safety, feeling of belonging, etc. and left an indelible impression on you. You made decisions then about how best to respond and how you felt - about yourself, others involved, whether the environment was supportive, and so on. Remember how young and immature you were at the time. Did you fully understand all that was going on that situation? We naturally focus on self-protection. Perhaps you had a very adaptive response - that served you well; and perhaps not.
If you examine the memory more in depth, you may see how you continue to apply similar meaning and/or have similar reactions to related experiences today.
Are you interested in taking a closer look at those memories and the decisions you made? Could greater awareness about what drives your emotional responses and decisions today encourage you to consider more effective and rewarding ways to think and respond? Often we overcompensate or overreact when we feel at a disadvantage?
Consider, when someone says something that isn't very nice or complimentary...what is your reaction? Do you decide to feel hurt and believe they have been purposely disrespectful? Do you attack back, or perhaps you stuff it inside - or even walk away from the friendship? Could another reaction be more effective or helpful to you, the situation, and the other person?
Gaining more objective awareness of our patterns of reacting
is an excellent first step in discovering options for new action. This tools of enhanced awareness can often unveil barriers we have erected for ourselves - socially, personally, and across many areas of our lives. We don't have to be our own worst enemy - we can learn to look inward and offer the encouragement we need to take steps in new directions. What can you say to yourself today that would have helped a discouraged child of five or eight? What do you need to hear today?
encouargeME is about you encouraging you!
To inquire about workshops, retreats, or to arrange an hour session, please send me a note-- 2encourageme@gmail.com.
If you are interested in attending a free workshop in Virginia Beach, VA - please reserve your spot: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/encourageme-workshop-tickets-50021839669
sending joy for your day!
Brenda